


The Last Thing She Said to Me

by letmegeekatyou



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-18
Updated: 2014-02-18
Packaged: 2018-01-12 21:44:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1201708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/letmegeekatyou/pseuds/letmegeekatyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam finally tells Cas what happened to Meg.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Last Thing She Said to Me

They had been putting it off. Finding excuses, forgetting, telling each other and themselves it wasn’t the right time. But, finally, Sam decided they had to talk to Cas about Meg.

"I’ll do it, I’ll tell him. I was the last one who talked to her. It should be me." Sam was nursing a cup of tea that had gone completely cold. Dean leaned against a wall, arms folded, looking around as if for an escape, hoping the phone would ring, bring them a case, let them push it back one more day.

"Are you sure? Not that I’d like the job, but if you’re not up to it…" If he was being honest, he was afraid to be the one to do it. Whether he was more afraid of Cas’s anger or grief, he wasn’t sure, but he didn’t want to face either. Didn’t know how to cope with either. So if Sam really wanted to do this, Dean was happy to be a coward.

"No, it’s okay. I…think I want to talk about her. We weren’t, I don’t know, close or anything. But it just seems right." Sam pushed the tea away and stood up, holding the edge of the table for a little extra support. Dean nodded.

"Alright, man," he said, glancing over his shoulder as he turned to go. Sam looked unsteady but determined. Yeah, thought Dean. I raised him good. Raised him better than me. “I’ll be down in the shooting range if you need me.”

"Okay. Thanks."  
***

The microchips were not responding as Cas had hoped they would. The borrowed grace skipped over their surfaces, never catching for more than a second, preventing him from getting a full picture of the structure.

"Hey, Cas. What are you working on?"

"Sam. You’ll find this interesting, I think. If this computer was designed to track angels as they fell, it must run on, or be able to…understand grace in some way. I’m using my grace to figure out its method, which, if I’m successful, might allow us to—Sam, what is it?” Cas had finally looked up from his work and realized that Sam was only half listening. This was a fascinating machine; there was no reason for him to be staring so intently at Cas’s face instead of the open circuitry. Unless something was wrong.

"You might want to sit down. I’ve gotta tell you something, and it’s… it’s not good, Cas." Sam ran a hand through his hair, his fingers catching slightly, tugging, deepening his frown. Cas couldn’t help but notice that Sam was looking somewhere over his shoulder, not into his eyes, and he felt anxiety rising in his chest.

"I’d rather stand. Tell me. What’s happened?"

"Okay." Sam took a deep breath. "You remember the night we went after the angel tablet?"

"Yes, of course."

"While you were inside with Dean, Crowley showed up. Meg, she…"

"Meg?" Cas felt his heart stop. He knew it hadn’t, knew the grace kept his vessel in perfect condition, but it was as if everything inside him had turned to stone.

"She bought us time, Cas. Bought me time to get Dean out of there, and you, too, but you were already gone."

"Stop."

"Cas, I’m sorry—"

"I said stop.” Cas closed his eyes, trying to shut out what Sam was saying, but it was no good. With his eyes closed, all he could see was her face, her true face like bloody roses and claws and broken glass that refracted sunlight into rainbows. He clutched the edge of the computer console and felt its metal casing wrinkle under his hands. Sam stepped closer, and Cas heard his pained voice as if it was coming from very far away.

"She fought, you know she did, but…it wasn’t enough. He killed her."

The stone inside his chest suddenly became too heavy, and Cas let himself sink to the floor, back to the cold console, one hand over his heart, as if he could take it out and feel right again. He refused to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes, she would vanish, and she would be gone for real, for good.

Why should an angel cry over a demon, he thought, but it was an empty question. Because whatever she had been, he was, too. A rebel, a transgressor. She was only herself, but so extraordinary. And he could never tell her how much he…

"Sam…" Cas finally looked up, needing something he didn’t know how to ask for, but Sam understood.

***

He held Cas in silence for a while, arms tight around the angel, stroking his hair, holding his hand, not knowing what to say. Whatever else Meg had been, she had been special to Cas. Hell, in the end, she’d been more than that. She’d been a hero for all of them.

And she had loved Cas. A demon in love with an angel… Sam shook his head a little. It didn’t make sense, but what in their lives did? And if you were going to fall for one of those feathery dicks, Sam thought, Cas was certainly the best of them. He was…special.

"Cas?" Sam kissed his temple lightly. "We talked before it happened, me and Meg. I told her about Amelia, about finding someone who got me out of the life. She called her my ‘unicorn.’"

"Unicorn?" Cas asked, weakly.

"Yeah, she was rare, and…and magical. I know it sounds dumb, but Meg was right. Someone you fall in love with who changes everything, that’s a unicorn."

Sam cupped Cas’s face gently and lifted it so he could look in his eyes.

"The last thing she said to me, Cas. She told me to go save my brother, and her unicorn.”

For a moment, Cas looked lost, and Sam was reminded of Jimmy, the man chained to the comet and trying to hold himself together. It was only a moment, though, then the angel was back. His eyes, still wet with tears, became suddenly cold.

"Sam," he growled, pulling away and standing quickly, every muscle tight, "why didn’t you tell me sooner? Why did you keep this from me?"

"We didn’t know how to tell you. I’m sorry, we should have, but we…I didn’t want to hurt you, Cas." Sam stood up, holding his arms loosely across himself, not sure what to do with them and a little afraid of the man standing in front of him. Cas looked off to the side in that way he had, that ‘trying to decide whether killing you is worth the effort’ sort of way. Sam watched his fists clench and unclench.

"Do you want to hit me? I won’t stop you. I deserve it, I know I do. She was important, and I—" Cas took a step forward, and Sam braced himself for the impact, willing himself not to flinch, but all the angel did was stand there, looking up at him, thinking.

"No. I’m not going to hit you, Sam. Because I am…I am angry. Not just at you. And I’m afraid I would not be able to stop hitting you."

Sam took a deep breath.

"Um, okay. Thanks?"

"Where’s Dean?"

"He’s, uh, in the shooting range."

"Good. I need to talk to him. And I think I would also like to try shooting something." Cas walked purposefully toward the door, then stopped. His face was like stone, and he wouldn’t look Sam in the eye, but Sam could hear the deep sadness in his voice.

"Don’t lie to me again, Sam. Please don’t lie to me again."

All Sam wanted to do was to hold him, wrap him up and whisper apologies into his ear until Cas forgave him, but Cas’s whole body was taught and unwelcoming. He may as well have been miles away.

"I promise, Cas. Never again."

And then Cas was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted at http://sammysalive.tumblr.com/post/75867002370/they-had-been-putting-it-off-finding-excuses


End file.
